It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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