Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
