Taylor Swift is so right about you.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
