if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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