aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
