But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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