Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
