Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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