She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
