Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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