i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
