I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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