The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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