Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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