the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
