Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Randomize