so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
