Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
