Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
