He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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