And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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