dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
