I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
