Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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