The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize