Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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