meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
