she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
