Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
