the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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