Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
That's intense
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
