I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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