it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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