Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
