I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize