I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
