ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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