I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
