saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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