He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize