your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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