I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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