I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
