I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
