We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
