I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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