I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
