You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
