it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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