Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
third nipple confirmed
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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