It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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