I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
