i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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