you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
