i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
