Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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