Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
