We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize