Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
