I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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