please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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