He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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