Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
