found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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