One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
