Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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