it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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