standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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