my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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